A Common Relationship Killer

There are many behaviors that harm existing relationships or inhibit future relationships from developing. Here I will focus on one simple yet common “relationship killer”.

A man encounters a negative outcome of some sort and acts out in anger or sorrow in the immediate aftermath. That is common enough and surely not wrong in and of itself. Where the error occurs is when that anger or sorrow is misdirected at He-who-is-not-at-fault for the negative outcome.

He-who-is-not-at-fault is the victim of the man’s misdirected anger or sorrow. The man is committing an error in thinking, a misidentification of the cause of the negative outcome. If the man accurately identified the cause of the negative outcome to begin with, then his wrath would be directed to that cause alone. Otherwise, the man or woman is in error.

Often, the man committing this error will admit he is “acting out”, that He-who-is-not-at-fault does not deserve his wrath. Regardless, a man is judged by his actions, not his [alleged] thoughts. He can claim that he is aware of the error he commits, but if his actions are in error, his thoughts to the contrary are of little importance.

Too many tolerate being treated poorly because “he is dealing with stuff” or “she is going through a lot”. It is their choice to tolerate errors in thinking just as it is the villain’s choice to misidentify the cause of his grief.

As I said, it is a simple error but a common one nonetheless. It is your choice to tolerate it or not, and when misfortune strikes, it is your choice to identify the cause of the misfortune or strike out at innocents. Some of those innocents might choose to not tolerate the error, however.